Wednesday, January 28, 2015

...Those days...


We have all had them.
Really hard days.
I know this won't be my last. My baby girl has been sick all week. This is her first illness, actually for either of my children. 

I walked by the mirror this morning and just smiled. 
Disheveled messy bun, three days running. I am not sure if that is mascara or if those rings are here to stay for the week. I think I have only worn this shirt for two days? Or is it three??

Part of me wanted to cry. I can count the numbers of uninterrupted hours of sleep I have had in four days on one hand. (and I know I am not alone) We are running on veritable fumes. I have probably walked miles around my kitchen island (carrying her all day) or in her bedroom at 3 AM. But, I am thankful I chose to smile.

I have really been working on enjoying the moment this year. I started down a vicious cycle of wishing the days away. You know, "I can't wait until this weekend" or "it will be easier when...". 

But it isn't and it wont. This is motherhood. Yes, there are plenty of picture perfect moments, where I have slept, my house is clean, my children are smiling and everything is easy. Then there are these moments. The less than picture perfect moments. Moments where I so desperately need His Grace. Where my husband and I lean hard on each other. Moments where I don't think I can last another second.

And there He is.

Happiness is a choice. I am trying to chose it. Believe me, I fall short so many times. There have been plenty of moments in the last few days, when I finally sneak into bed, only to rush to her room for another coughing fit. I try to chase those thoughts of "easier when" away. Grace. 

I pray that you can find those moments too.

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