"He must increase; I must decrease." John 3:30
I think I consciously muttered that verse at least a dozen times...an hour...yesterday.
My life changed directions two years ago, with the birth of our son. I had embarked on a new journey, where much servitude would be required. One where I would be required to give myself, every minute of the day.
I chose that path.
"More book, more book?" His slobbery hands shoved another book back into my hands. I had read this one three times already.
"Not right now, I need..." I needed a break. I wanted a break. I was running on fumes, three days of successive migraines, little sleep, children with faucets as noses. My fuse was short.
"Please." His eyes said it all.
He needed me, which was beautiful. And hard. Maybe it was just to click on facebook, check my email...I wanted one minute where I wasn't holding either child, where innocent demands weren't being barked. To breathe. The giving of self is so hard at times. Nap time left me contemplating this and praying for the grace to do better once they were up.
"I am proud of you." My husband says this at least once a day. Then I often break down about how many times I wasn't as patient as I should have been. How I wasn't the best mom I could have been. How I..How I...
"Hey, mom." He draped his arms around my neck after his nap. I breathed him in. One minute at a time.
"He must increase; I must decrease."